Life In Our Fishbowl: Plastic People

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In the three months since that I have been a pastor's wife something never ceases to amaze me. Women talk to me! It's INCREDIBLE! I LOVE it! Now before you start thinking that nobody liked to talk to me before I was a pastor's wife, let me explain. Women really talk to me and they let me SEE inside. They open up their hearts and they tell me their stories - stories about when they became a Christian, stories of past struggles, stories of grace and forgiveness, stories of pain and loss. It's a beautiful thing to hear these stories and be able to listen and cry and encourage and build up these women. 

My husband and I have often talked about the "Stained Glass Masquerade" that happens in churches everywhere. People hide what is truly in their hearts and in so doing, no one can help them. But at the same time, no one can hurt them more.

How beautiful would it be if everyone could go to church and be themselves completely. How beautiful it would be if you could go to church and everyone would love you and encourage you and help you with your deepest darkest struggles. If church could really truly be the safe house that it is meant to be, how would it change our lives? I think it would be monumental!

So how do we make a change in our churches? How do we help our churches become a place where we can take off the mask and be ourselves? Let people into our lives? When you look at the overall picture, it is impossible. We cannot simply hold a world-wide - "Let's all Take Off Our Mask Sunday!"

It starts with individuals. I may be a pastor's wife that is expected to BE a certain type of Christian, a certain type of mother, and wife. But if I let people in to realize that I am just a woman, a sinful woman struggling with sin in my heart just like ANYONE else out there, it allows for people to have HOPE. The more I share of my insides and how I need to grow and how I have already grown, the more others realize that they too can have that! By being REAL and honest it gives HOPE to others!

Being a pastor's wife creates an environment for women to feel safe to talk to me. I love that because I have a heart for encouraging women. I am so thankful that God has chosen me to have that role. But maybe you are not a pastor's wife and there is someone in your life that you need to talk to, someone that you need to encourage by telling them your story. Someone that is struggling in their life and may not know that you struggled with the same things. Pray about it and see if God wants you to be that person to step in and say "I know how you feel because I've felt it too." Then it won't be just your pastor's wife who that person feels that they can turn to. 
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  1. Love It! An under the table comment: If you have more people on staff at the church, for instance, Music Minister, Youth Pastor, Associate Pastor etc. go out of your way to encourage them and build them up. You may already do this, but this is for everyone who may have never considered. Especially if they've left everything they've known for the ministry. Even though your life is 100% the ministry on you and your family, Way to often if your not the Senior Pastor, you still feel like you live in a Glass house but noone really thinks to jump in to help you when really needed and when they've left their family it is so very isolating. Go out of your way to make your staff family. :)
    Thank you for your post.

  2. So many people feel like they have to "hide" the real them at church. Its nice to get to a point where you feel you ca actually talk to someone and not be judged. It' sad but true, christians sometimes are the 1st ones to judge. I have been guilty of it myself :( It's nice that people feel like they have someone who will not to that and be there to talk to. We are all human and sinful and make mistakes. Thank God for his Grace...I love the casting crowns song too!!

  3. Love everything you said here girl!

    I have learned to open up with my struggles, it show how great God is and encourages others. I didnt even realize and a girl told me afterwards..its amazing when you can help other women!

  4. Melissa - ABSOLUTELY!!! Anyone who is in a ministry role can always use that encouragement! I was an assistant pastor's wife before becoming a Sr. Pastor's wife and while it is immensely different, the challenges are still there!

    Graciously Given - Thank you for YOUR transparency in your comment! :0) Amen!

    Sarah Beth - Amen to that girl! I LOVE hearing about how I have helped someone - it is SOOOO encouraging! Reminds me to make sure I tell the people who encourage me! :0)

  5. I really like your site! And it's funny, because it IS because you're a pastor's wife! lol! My reasoning?? My hubby's currently in seminary and I much desire connections that will help me in my "future role" and that would mean seeing your heart and mind poured out on your blog ;) But no I'm just one girl trying to learn from another...that's all. (p.s. I found you when you commented on Courtney's blog - Women Living Well.)

  6. Michelle - YAY! Girl - you have no idea how much that excites me! We were in seminary not too long ago and I was doing the exact same thing you are now! I'm going to be starting a series that interview pastor's wives all over the place - I'm really hoping to develop my blog into a resource for pastor's wives but also for laywomen to understand and know their own pastor's wife! :0)


Your comments are such a blessing and encouragement to me! If you have a question or comment that you would like to ask, feel free to comment below or email me at! I look forward to hearing from you!