An Excellent Wife Who Can Find?

I received a phone call from a loved one that broke my heart. The loved one did not break my heart but our conversation did. I've been married for five years and in those five years I have learned a lot about marriage (and I still have a lot more to learn) but I have not had to learn as much as some people have learned. I am BLESSED beyond measure by God for allowing Sam and I to have the love, the communication, the respect, and the commitment that has given us the marriage of which we are so unworthy. Others have not been so fortunate. I have seen heartache in precious friends lives that I myself have never had to experience.

If you're at all like me, you've read the marriage books or the books about being a good wife. I've read Proverbs 31 and read myself into the text so many times that I pretty much know by heart where I need to change and become a better wife. I'm definitely an imperfect wife married to an imperfect husband. But the things that bother me or irritate me about my husband pale in vast comparison to some of the marriage problems that I've encountered in my friends lives.

Don't misunderstand me! Right now, my husband and I are doing very well in our marriage. So well in fact that I almost want to hide this post from him in case he might misunderstand the context of this post. But for all of you wives out there that do have good marriages and forget what blessings our husbands are, here are some of the things God has been teaching me through the heartaches of the hurting wives that have impacted me.

Sometimes I can get so angry or hurt at how my husband may not notice me exactly when I want him to. Some wives' husbands only notice other women.

Sometimes I ask my husband to do something for me and he fails to accomplish the task on my time table. Some wives' are afraid to ask their husbands to do anything for them.

Sometimes I feel neglected or unloved by my husband. Some wives don't just feel it, they are neglected and unloved.

Sometimes I complain because my white towels are now tinted gray because he did not sort the laundry properly. Some wives would pay money for their husbands to do laundry.

Sometimes I get so angry that my husband doesn't notice our children's needs when they are right in front of him. Some wives keep their children far away from their husbands in fear they will be noticed.

Sometimes I strive to impress my husband by fixing a fantastic meal for him and he is late for dinner. Some wives go for entire nights not knowing where their husband is.

As you can see I have struggles in my marriage that should not be considered struggles. If you noticed in each of these sentences they all start with "Sometimes I." I become so wrapped up in what I think my husband should do or say or think that I fail to recognize that the problem lies within myself. I am not focusing on loving or respecting my husband. I am only focusing on my own selfish desires. This thought may seem to be a total twist in what I was saying earlier but let me explain. 

bad marriage
As wives we all have the same responsibilities before God to carry out. It is our responsibility before God to obey Him regardless of our circumstances. But only He is ultimately in charge of how wonderful or how blessed or how difficult and painful our marriages are. Our marriages can fail. The marriage that appears to be the most godly one out there can still fall apart. We cannot make saving or perfecting our marriage our goal. Our goal must lie in truly glorifying God and God alone. May I encourage you to strive to not look on your husband and his faults but look on your own and how before and with God you can strive to truly become an excellent wife.

"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:33

Proverbs 31
10  An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet. [6]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
(emphasis mine).

By the way, my husband did read this before I posted it! I love that man! :0)


  1. Wow... I think God just put your post in front of me. I often get mad because I don't feel cherished by my husband, but I know he does. This really made me look at it again. Feelings lie. That is all there is to it.
    {Accuquilt Giveaway} 

  2. I am so thankful that this helped you Kimberlee! I know when I wrote this, it truly helped me! :0)

  3. Thank you for sharing this. My husband and I are very much in love but we've been struggling to connect recently. Your post reminded me of my role as partner and wife and that I should focus on my blessings and bring struggles with my feelings to Him.

    The Lord always sends His children help. Thank you for being my "help" this morning! Your simple post has renewed my spirit and given me peace!

  4. What an EXCELLENT Post Ann! Wow, so well put and convicting! Thanks!

  5. Thank you for this. Good for me to read and I'll pass it along as well!


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