Fights in Your Marriage

 I was asked this question in regards to my post "I Love You Without Words" and it really struck a chord in my heart because I've been there and I've felt these feelings. Here is the question:

"I love your post too, but not sure what to think of this one (no its not a bad post). I am put together everyday. I have to be. I have to dress up for work. And I like to dress up, I like to do my hair, and I like to wear make-up. Ok, so here is the problem, the hubs [rarely] if not at all will say anything. Yah mostly never. It drives me nuts. Especially since he is in his dirty work clothes all week and then pj's, then when we do got out to eat or wherever on the weekends and he puts something nice on and shaves... I NOTICE!! and I tell him!! I wish I could do something that would make him want to touch, kiss, compliment...whatever it may be..MORE! Any advice on that one?"
I think as women we all would be happy with more loving gestures, more kisses, more loving touches, more... you fill in the blank! I'll call these "love notes." But this is NOT what I am referring to and I don't think the question was meant with that in mind either. When those "love notes" are no longer what they used to be, this is when we as women can start to ache and it may lead to heartbreak, discontentment and distrust.

I am BLESSED by a WONDERFUL husband who I know truly loves me and I him. But there are times more often than we would both like when those "love notes" become fewer and farther between. Here is the answer:


Four fights to be specific. 

Fight FOR your marriage. 
Fight FOR your husband. 
Fight FOR his attention. 
Fight FOR maintaining your love. 

1. Fight FOR your Marriage - you are married to this man. Once upon a time you looked into his eyes and with all the love in your heart you said. "I do!" You gave a commitment, a promise before your husband and before God. Period. There is no changing that fact. Fight to do whatever YOU can to make your marriage a godly success. When you are no longer committed, you are not fighting for your marriage. 

2. Fight FOR your Husband. - You are his helpmeet. You are his number 1. You are on his side. Together you can do much. When you are not on his side, you are not fighting FOR your husband. 

3. Fight FOR his attention. - There is no one else on this earth who knows your man better than you. Nope, not even his mother. YOU know what he likes and if you don't think you know everything he likes - ASK him! Play 20 questions and COMMUNICATE often! What he likes CHANGES! (Gasp!) If he likes it when you watch Nacho Libre with him - WATCH it! If he likes it when you make his mom's recipe for meatloaf - MAKE IT! If you do something special for your hubbie and he doesn't say anything - ask him if he liked it! Trust me, the average man thinks by way of boxes. He may love the meatloaf you made for him but right now, he's eating the meatloaf. Complimenting you on making the meatloaf is a completely different box - one which may never be opened even if it's there! If you are not seeking ways to please your husband, you are not fighting FOR his attention! 

4. Fight FOR Maintaining Your Love. Of all of them - this is the most important. This is the all encompassing fight. Your FEELINGS of love for your husband can easily ebb and flow. Some days it is easy to feel as though we love our husbands and some days the FEELINGS of love are NON-EXISTENT! I know, I am married to a human too! But here's the deal. Love is NOT A FEELING! Love is a choice, a decision, a commitment. It has nothing to do with how we feel. If you are relying on feelings to determine whether or not you love your husband, you are not fighting to maintain your love!

Marriage is hard and it has good days and bad days. But trust me, your marriage is worth fighting for! 

If you have a question - PLEASE write to me! I LOVE to answer questions and if I don't know the answer, I will tell you. You can email me at or write a comment. 
HIS Grip, 


  1. Loved this post!!! Thanks for the great encouragement.

  2. What a fantastic post! Every wife needs to read this.

  3. What a wonderful post. I needed to hear this today :)

    Jen @

  4. Number 4 is soooo true! And what a awesome way to look at "fights" in your marriage as compared to fighting with a hurt or defensive heart!


Your comments are such a blessing and encouragement to me! If you have a question or comment that you would like to ask, feel free to comment below or email me at! I look forward to hearing from you!