Life In Our Fishbowl: Parenting PKs and Link-up

I have three PK's (Pastor's Kids) and I grew up as a Pastor's Kid as well. I don't know how many times I have heard references to the Pastor's Kids behavior simply because they are the Pastor's kids.

Everyone notices when the pastor's kids need to be taken out of the service. Especially when I have to take my kids out because we look like a 3-ring circus. I have a 4 year old, a 3 year old and a baby so if my 4 year old needs to be taken out - we ALL go out! Remember, my parenting partner is up in the front of the church preaching about serving God! Talk about intimidating to a mother to train her kids in a fishbowl!

There are two motivations for good behavior.
 
1. To glorify and honor God (honoring your parents and submitting to authority all fall under this catagory)
2. To manipulate and get what you want (respect, esteem, praise, honor)

It is VERY easy for me to parent and train up my child in the way it is EXPECTED for them to go instead of training them up in the way they should ACTUALLY go. 

It is EXPECTED that the Pastor's family will behave in a generally appropriate God-honoring way. Whether the children are two or twenty! 

ACTUAL God-honoring behavior involves honoring God with their heart and mind as well as in action. 

For me growing up, I had behavior down - I knew exactly what was EXPECTED of me and I behaved outwardly in a God-honoring way. But my heart was a different story! I was simply obeying to bring praise to myself and not to God. 

I want my children to grow up in such a way that they will seek to praise God and not man. This is incredibly intimidating to me and I can only pray and ask God to help me in my efforts to bring Him this praise. I recently discovered these verses in Deuteronomy (honestly I don't know HOW I missed these before but I love them!)

"You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Deuteronomy 11:18-19 

I love these verses (check out the rest of the passage for more context!) because  it talks about talking about God's words, about His commandments all the time in your home! While you are having mac and cheese at lunch time or while you are reading a book to your children. God's words and promises and love should be always around your children and not just explained to them when they get into trouble.

That's what I've been learning recently - now it's time for other Ministry Wives to link up! 

If you are a Ministry wife: Pastor's wife, youth Pastor's wife, evangelist's wife, or a Missionary wife, LINK-UP a recent post - ANY TOPIC - from your own blog so we can blog hop and meet one another! Oh, and be a sweetheart and include this button so other Ministry wives can get in on the fun too and so you will qualify to be featured!

<center><a href="http://www.stringermama.com/search/label/Life%20in%20Our%20Fishbowl"><img border="0" src="http://i761.photobucket.com/albums/xx253/samandann/LifeinOurFishbowl-1.jpg" /></a></center>

In HIS Grip, 

               

Life In Our Fishbowl: When the Pastor's Wife Misses Church

Sunday morning I was on top of my game. By 8:45 am I had lunch going in the crockpot, breakfast cleaned up, 2 out of 3 kids dressed for church and I was even dressed and ready to walk the fifty feet over to go to church. I just had to wake up my oldest and get her ready in the next 20 minutes. Easy peasy.

Then it happened. 

She woke up and threw up. 

Okaaaay. . . 

All of a sudden this entire pastor's family would not be going to church today. Except for the pastor. And I dreaded telling him. You see, any time that I cannot be there to hear my hubbie preach or even just be in the building in the nursery, it is hard on my man. I am the one person that he can look at and he can know is 100% rooting for him and praying for him. I'm in his corner. It doesn't mean that there are not other people that are doing that, it's just that he knows I am for sure. 

But this Sunday was even more important that I be there. This Sunday several people from my hubbie's part-time workplace and their families were visiting church that morning to surprise my hubbie. And I couldn't be there. Now, just so you understand, I don't HAVE to be there for my hubbie to do a great job as a Pastor. God has that covered. But if you could see my hubbie's face whenever I have to tell him that someone is sick and I can't be there at church today - you would understand. It's like I am missing the big promotion dinner or something. 

So when my little girl woke up and threw up, I was heart broken. "Lord! Not today! Lord, don't You know!  This is going to be a somewhat stressful Sunday for my hubbie! All of those people saved and unsaved walking into church to hear my hubbie preach for the first time! I need to be there to encourage him!" But then I knew that this is all part of His plan and I my plan doesn't have to mesh with His plan, in fact, my plans should always be thrown out and be replaced by His. So I whispered an apology to the Lord for my attitude and I shifted gears. If I can't be there, I will do what I need to do with prayers for my hubbie from a distance. Since I was all dressed and ready to go I settled my sickie onto the couch with a video and walked over to the church to tell my hubbie the dreaded news and to drop my son off at his Sunday School class. Then it happened. God took the reins for me. 

A sweetheart in our church offered to go over to my house and watch my kids so I could be there for the service. What? I almost naturally refused because of COURSE I wasn't going to let someone else risk getting sick by watching my kids! But then I could hear that familiar still small voice telling me to accept this offer. So I did. And I went to the service and I met the families that were visiting and I heard my hubbie's sermon. Just like regular a Sunday to anyone else. But this one was special to me because I was there right where God wanted me to be. 

Next time you see that your Pastor's wife is sick or can't be there for some reason, say a little prayer for her husband, because most likely, your prayers are joining hers. 

In HIS Grip, 

               

Life In Our Fishbowl: Pastor's Kid turned Pastor's Wife

Source

I was recently asked this question by one of my friends and it was one of those things that I really had to learn a LOT (and am still learning!) about when I first became a pastor's wife. Her question was this:

"What do you think I need to know about being in a church planter's family [as a Pastor's wife] that I wouldn't necessarily know by having grown up in a pastor's home?"

Now, I have NO EXPERIENCE as a church planter's wife - but my mom is the wife of a church planter! But I WAS a Pastor's daughter (still am but you know what I mean!). The things I learned as a Pastor's kid was how to be a Pastor's kid. I had NO CLUE what it was like to be a Pastor's wife. Honestly, in my experience, being a Pastor's kid in NO WAY prepared me to be a Pastor's wife. The only advantages I think I've had so far were things like knowing that you have to buy the grape juice before communion! 

Picture it this way. Remember when you were a babysitter as a teenager? Remember when you got pregnant for the first time and you thought - I was a babysitter and I know a lot about kids. I've changed diapers and I've given babies their bottles and I've tucked kids into bed and . . . the list goes on of all of the things that you learned how to do as a babysitter.

But then you became a mother. And all of a sudden EVERYTHING that you knew formerly about parenting no longer makes the complete sense it did! I will never forget bringing my oldest daughter home from the hospital. We were not there longer than five minutes when she began choking and coughing and sputtering. I was seconds away from calling an ambulance when all of a sudden she threw up a TON of amniotic fluid that was causing her to choke. Then she became completely happy and went right to sleep. I COMPLETELY broke down and was convinced that my child would not make it to see her first birthday! I thought for sure I was going to be the cause of her death!

The difference between being a babysitter and a mother is simple - who carries the ultimate responsibility for the child. The same is true for a Pastor's wife. The difference between being a pastor's kid and a Pastor's wife is you are there alongside your husband supporting and encouraging the man who holds the responsibility. You don't hold it yourself, but you do hold the man's hand who does carry the responsibility. It is a heavy burden that your pastor husband carries and often he will lean on his wife to help him carry the burden.

So in answer to your question - there is a LOT that you will need to learn but just like being a mother - you can't know what it's like until you're there. But it's not so woeful because just like becoming a new mother - God is right there helping and carrying you along. 

In HIS Grip, 

               

Life in Our Fishbowl: School and the Pastor's Kids

Today is our first official day of homeschooling! It's our first year and I'm super excited! So this week's posts will all be about homeschooling! Today I want to talk about Pastor's kids and school. 

It's always interesting to me to see what Pastor's families choose when considering schooling their kids. Sometimes it surprises me, sometimes it doesn't. But what I have noticed among our friends who are pastor's families, it's pretty evenly distributed between homeschooling and sending their kids to school. 

My dad became a pastor when I was 13 years old and he was looking for a church for a little over a year before God called him to a church. But I remember that some of the churches we visited were quite opinionated on whether or not the Pastor's family should homeschool. Sometimes it was a matter of whether or not the other families in the church homeschooled or not. But one particular church was very interested in my dad becoming the pastor there if my dad would change one thing. They wanted him to send his kids to public school even though all of their kids homeschooled. My dad said no to that church because he felt as though God wanted his kids to be taught at home.

When we first moved here and began our ministry, we started to meet people in the town and I will never forget meeting a couple of the school bus drivers. Their first question was "How old are your kids? We drive the in-town school buses." As soon as I told my kids ages which were then 3 and 2 - it was obvious that we would not be sending them to school on the buses. But I chose to not tell them that we were going to homeschool because I did not want the first impression of the Pastor's family to be misunderstood as antagonistic towards our public schools.

A lot of small towns have a wonderful school pride and they can often become offended at homeschoolers because they think we won't support the area schools. It's often misunderstood that ALL homeschoolers have a problem with public schools. That's not entirely true. For us, we are willing to send our kids to school, we just feel that we chose the best choice for OUR family by choosing to homeschool. 

If you've been following me for a while you know that I believe that it's important to hold yourself to the standard of God and not the standard of men or even our own standards. This applies to homeschooling as well. You can only make the decision for your family and you should not force your own opinions of righteousness on others. Homeschooling is not the best choice unless it is also God's choice.