I like independence. I believe even though I am a wife and mom that I'm still a pretty independent person. I don't necessarily think this is a good or a bad thing. At least for me. I think it's great that I do things on my own and I don't normally ask for help. Well. . . then I became a pastor's wife. Now someone else is mowing our yard, taking care of the flooding in our basement and a teenager in our church was "hired" to be our monthly date night babysitter! Now OBVIOUSLY I'm NOT complaining! This is GREAT! Really! To not have to worry about these things and enjoy these things are not where I struggle.
It's my PRIDE about my independence that I'm worried about! My husband was gone pretty much all week last week and a sweet older woman in her 80's (!!!!) felt that she should have gone with me to the doctor's office with me to help with my kids. The thing holding her back was that she has a broken arm and has been struggling with dizziness. BLESS. HER. HEART! She's AMAZING!!!!
I was telling my sister (aka my best friend) about these things and of course what are sisters for but to point out our weaknesses right? My sister seems to think so! But then, what she said struck a nerve and I knew instantly that she was right. She told me that I need to learn to accept help. Because I need it. Because I don't HAVE to do it all on my own.
So what was the REAL root of my problem? I'll say it again! PRIDE!!!! I seem to think that I am EXPECTED to do it all on my own. Either by my own standards or by that invisible "THEY" that we always seem to care about but no one really KNOWS! We perceive that independence is necessary but when it comes down to it - God doesn't promote independence whatsoever!! I searched the Bible (ESV) for the terms independence and independent and wasn't expecting to find anything but guess what it IS there!
I Corinthians 11:11 "Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman;"
HEY!!! Talk about knife into my heart! Read the context of the passage and it's even more obvious! But then look through the Bible at the emphasis on fellowship and helping each other. Paul alone was helped in so numerous ways - just look at all of the "thank you" notes he sent! It's a biblical principle to help each other and be helped and to be THANKFUL for the help and not concerned with our own pride!
Maybe I can do it - but maybe that's not the plan that God has designed for me! Maybe He wants to bless me by using someone to help me. I'll never know that blessing until I admit that I do truly need help!
Do you want to help your pastor's wife (or anyone else for that matter!) but don't know how to do it? Have a heart-to-heart with her and let her know that God has given you a desire to help her and her family and give her your ideas of how you can help her and let her choose which would fit her life the best! Please don't just say "Let me know if you need any help!" because trust me, she probably won't! Provide tangible thought out ideas because that helps her know that you truly DO want to help! 
Oh, Ann...you struck a nerve with me, girl! I am sitting here in bondage to a ton of boxes still, and I had a few people offer to come over and help when we first got here. As a person who comes from a long line of strong, independent women...I convinced myself that I was a big girl & "I do it mysewuf" as my daughter would say when she was 2.
ReplyDeleteIt is pride. I still convince myself that I can do things like I used to (before the MS), and the fact is that I simply can't! Like, packing for our trip. The "before MS Stacey" would have us completely packed & ready to go, the house spotless (and most certainly unpacked by now), and have a head start on things for when we get back home. I'm sitting here wondering what clothes I should take and thinking I should probably go do the laundry so we have clothes to take!
Anyway, great post! (You're so lucky to have a sister!!! I wish I had one!)
I LOVE the part about needing to give concrete ideas...we get a lot of "if you need anything" offers and we don't take people up on it...those that say, "can I bring supper over on Sunday?" or something concrete I take them up on the offer.
ReplyDeleteI have been working on this in my own life and have LOVED the quote..."Denying someone's offer to help is denying someone the opportunity to be helpful." I know that I LOVE to be helpful so I try not to take the joy from someone else. :) Keep the fishbowl coming...I LOVE it and can SO totally relate.